I'm one of the people who read this, and made the account because I wanted to review this a few days ago :) But unfortunately, I was thoroughly confused by the registration process, I could've sworn, I end up registering to a forum that has nothing to do with this site..very frustrating!
But I digress.
Per this story: I really enjoy it, I actually look forward to reading it, I enjoy the description of the characters, the scenery, the storyline. For a fantasy story, it's very emotionally charged and engaging.
Now I'm going in depth on how I feel about some of the thing:
I have a love-hate relationship with both Malark and Lairiel characters. I love Lairiel but I wish Lairiel will be more assertive and confident.
I understand that she's a strong young woman, she's dealt with a lot, seen a lot, raised as a slave (2/3 of her young life), she's persevered her hardship.
But after 6 1/2 yrs in freedom as a mother and a free woman, I really want her to 'grow up' or 'break free' some of her slave teachings.
To basically 'challenge' Malark emotionally, she needs to quit with submissiveness with him, shows some confidence or something :) It seems that she's so afraid of finding out what Malark really feels about her, well, she probably will see soon enough how this will go after confrontation with his brother and his first mate.
Oh how I'd like to correct Lairiel (since I read the other story too), that she wasn't used that long (years) by Malark, if anything, he immediately form some emotional attachment to her within months of their forced couplings. And he did look for her after regaining his freedom, he didn't need to, but he did, and joined her despite everything. He could've gone another way, but he did choose her.
I love Malark's depiction.
It's understandable why he is the way he is, but I hate how it took so long for Malark to warm up to Lairiel, sex seems to be the only way he can express his needs and wants of her and I wish he would stop denying and acknowledge that he felt more for Lairiel than just his property. His action, some of them (outside the sex of course LOL--by the way, NICE smut between these two, one of the 'hottest' coupling), show how by instinct, he truly loves Lairiel in his own way. Even the small stuffs, like leaving the fire on in the morning (considerate and all that), providing, etc.
I just wish he's honest about his feeling for her or clear about it, at least, in his mind. He doesn't need to compose poem or shout it through the roof top or something.
Per this chapter, I don't think I've liked a character less than Malark's bro (he shouldn't be named LOL) and Synael of course. Even Thanos, as horrid as he was, didn't compare to Malark's brother. If I were Malark, I'd rip my dear brother and his accomplices new ones. Oh yeah, revenge will be sweet (and if you do, don't hesitate to be as gory as you'd like when he's doing those things LOL). Logically speaking, this so-called brother betrayed you badly, ruined your life, cut off your wings, what's to say that he's going to honor anything he's offering for him now. Malark is too smart and jaded for that type of offer.
As for Siofra, I wonder if Malark would be forgiving to one of his betrayers. The guy has killed people for less than that.
What she did was as bad as what his vile brother did to him.
She was his mate (and since he wasn't exactly emotionally fucked yet, I'm betting he was at least openly loving toward her, taking her as a mate) and she basically turned her back from him when he needed her the most, to at least trust in his innocence.
At least, Lairiel doesn't abandon Malark or send him away even though many in her village or even her own parents find him to be unfavorable. She chose him despite his coldness and apparent indifference (which the feminist in me screams about, and got so pissed about LOL!). Then again, she was his first experience of love so he may just be merciful esp. if she actually would redeem herself in some ways, because it appears that she is sincerely regretful.
I know that Thanos appears to have died in the other fic, but somewhat I can't quite shake that he may have survived (if he does, he'll probably be super mad)...and Ziv..the storyline hasn't quite resolved yet, and for some reasons, I have a feeling that the humans may get in the way..in a big way..perhaps there'll be war, between humans and the other races..it'll be interesting story to explore for future wise.
If I have criticism, I'd say that there are misspellings here and there. And yes, my heart breaks so badly for Imia and a little bit for Lairiel, both of them love men of Aier'to race and both are thrust in this situation.
Sorry for the long review, it's late and I need to go to sleep now.
You're a great writer and you deserve one and much more reviews/rants like mine. Definitely want to read more, and I can't wait for the next chapter!!
WOW, this is a dream come true, you update so fast, the story is so rich and dynamic..never boring always intriguing.
I wish Accacia and Quinlin find love together..I know it's werd but I'd like to see Malark with Siofra too...
I like everything you write:D
makes me happy to read!
This is awesome update!!! Thank you for taking the time to write this :)
I like the conflicting emotion portrayed by the 2, Lairiel and Siofra, the two of them are very similar in personalities but both women are in the different stage of Malark's life. The past (Siofra) and the future (Lairiel). I totally understand Lairiel's being jealous with Siofra, because Malark did choose her as his mate, while they were basically 'thrown' together, but Lairiel needs to finally see/understand that Malark now chooses her.
I feel strongly for Lairiel because she's now very vulnerable (pregnant and going through this deep sh1t basically, she's just going from one hardship to another since she's a toddler!), so I do want her to be happy. At least Malark and the others actually have had experienced somewhat good childhood before experiencing tragedy.
I enjoy knowing that Malark's not that inept when it comes to his emotions. The good thing about the kiss with Siofra, it seems that it also encourage Malark to show/express more affection toward Lairiel (although I still believe that he doesn't deserve Lairiel, she's too good for him LOL). As for Siofra, it's odd, but I can see her rebuilding her life (if she survives the whole final confrontation with Elynir, etc) with Quilin. They have many in common. Both are good people inside and trapped in bad situation, they both made mistake (Quilin helped with banishing Malark and Siofra distrusting Malark's innocence), they both 'lost' their mates. So yeah, I can actually envision them healing each other emotionally.
My friend said I 'have' to read your original fic. So I do (she's TMCHD). I'm a guy so I may give different opinion.
Here's what I got from first chapter:
Good opening. Jump into a dialogue that shows peek of the Ikini's culture/tradition.
Good introduction of the prequel's main star, Imia then Greix. Great imagery/depiction of the nature that surrounds them, their way of living. All in all, a very good first chapter. Not too fast paced but enough action so that it's not too slow either.
But the character I'm actually curious about is Ireth, a woman who seemed to start out naive/idealistic but has been shaped by a harsh life causing her to shed her romanticism and become practical and survivalist.
I will be posting more review as I read more chapter.
Just gonna go with the critics seeing that you want to rewrite this.
Siofra's action seems out of character based on her pov at the past chapter, she seems timid, kind and careful. Then she impulsively kissed him although he's basically 'married' and a stranger who's supposedly intimidating in looks. I can understand her kissing him after getting somewhat 'reacquainted' and certain of her safety.
This goes the same with Malark's/Equo's, logically as a lone guy with a mission, entering hostile territory, you'd be suspicious with everyone. Fear is a good motivator to be less emotional/nostalgic. Malark should even feel more suspicious about someone/ex who's been within the 'enemy' for so long to be kissing him suddenly.
The whole plot with the brother very odd: The brother's reaction is not very smart for someone who's managed to get people behind him to topple the traditional/older ways.
The motivation of wanting his brother back seems illogical, the motivation to want him dead is better (safer choice); but even then, Malark isn't a threat without wings (until Greix helped him, he was pretty lame).
Malark's got no army, been 'unknown' for so long, you'd think that the brother knows to leave well alone, lets his lady free and just have him watched or killed outside their territory instead of the whole bait-switch stupidity.
If the whole motivation is the beautiful Lairiel, now... she's just one half-breed and it appears that they already have many lovely looking 'pure bred' amongst them to keep them amused. She's in truth inconsequential, the only reason she's alive so far, it's because she's the main character :p
Those shallow behavior for villains made me miss Thanos. At least, as a villain, he's got more emotional depth. (Def. better back story). I can go on and on, some things in this chapter feels rushed just to get the plot going. Although, I like that you don't insert any sexual scene in chapter 5 because there's no need to add that just because we're in Adult fanfiction.net (ha!)
Overall, it was a pretty good read. I appreciate you spending the time between your busy schedule to write good prequel-sequel. Very enjoyable and I'm not surprised my friend likes it very much. With some polished, you may even consider about publishing, one day. :)
I'm also thrilled you're getting reviews since it made me so sad&surprised when reading Aeirto...to be the only one for a while.
You deserve many more reviews:D:D:D:D I still admire your writting, love the way the story goes and Gods I'm glad they filmed Spartacus because it inspired you to write this:D
Oooooh, the other version of your story sounds yummy too...I'd love to see Equeo with wings again.
I fell in love of the image of him and Siofra while Greix was watching them playing in the waterfall.
That is the reason I'd like to see them together..and also neither Malark or Equeo seem to be the kind of man Lariel needs.
I know she loves and wants Malark, and he gives back as much as he can but if it weren't for the slavery they wouldn't be together at all.
Also I love Malark's character, I love his need of violence, his quiet anger, his desperate will to live, his coldness...unlike other ppl who reviewed and complained about it.
This story is true. YOu don't go through that kind of things in life unchanged. Equeo wasn't an angel before...and living through...pulling through left consequences.
Maybe with Siofra he can finally have that gay son I was talking about while reviewing Aierto ahahahahaha
Wooot, someone is trying to steal Quinlin from Accacia?! O_o nooooooooooooooooH!!!
Ppl are so cruel:(((
Why can you not see they belong together like a toenail and his cuticle?!
C'mon ppls Accacia is gonna burn the universe unless she gets some love...and shows sympathy and Quinlin is so ready for sympathy with being a widower and having kids, and That S asshole took his arm...SEE-perfect together:D damn right!
OMG, you are seriously my AFF hero. Amazing character development, vivid scenery, realistic dialogue, action, plot, and true dramatic intrigue! The story is such a mix of fantasy meets tribal struggles, the clash of human civilization and other intelligent, powerful beings. I had no idea how this story tied in with The Aier'to, and I literally gasped aloud when I realized who Lairiel was! I am anxious to see what happens to Greix... I was so, so mad at you when you pulled him away from Imia, but now that so much time has passed and he has a family to care for... Gah. So complicated. I anxiously await your next update! :)
Also, in response to one of the reviews above, I agree that Eylnir's motivation to find and reacquaint himself with Malark is very confusing. Malark, now wingless and pointedly removed from his tribe, seems to be neither a major threat to Eylnir nor a particularly valuable ally. It's a bit late in the story to clarify his motivation, but that's just my two cents, in case you're interested in editing already uploaded chapters. Cheers!
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