Really really, like this first chapter, it is so vivid and already has a great story emerging.
Never read your first attempt at this story, therefore not aware of the changes made, but thoroughly enjoying the read so far, and your depiction of school life and its culture.
Feel like I am back at school again!
Hope you continue, and look forward to the next chapter.
Well this looks great!
I'm already looking farward to read more of this!
I thought I'd seen this title before but even if i've read it'
I don't remember any of it so I will read drom scrath :)
Thanks for reposting this! I can't wait to read more of this!
Weirdly enough I was just looking for this story awhile ago, and was sad when I couldn't find it! So, a rewrite? I didn't think the original was bad, I liked it. :) Salem was crazy and I loved/hated in a good way the way he controlled Rain. The only thing I remember that I couldn't understand is why Rain forgave him in the end, but it's been a long time since I've read it, of course. Hope Salem is crazy in this one, too, because I loved the drama. Can't wait to read more of this version! thanks for working on it again!
Oh, I remember the old version and I must say, this first chapter is already *way* better than the old one. I think I finished the story the first time around and I remember thinking it was ok but had the potential to be much better without, as you said, all the purple prose, so I'm glad to see you rewriting it. I'm also happy to hear and see that Rain won't be just a 'girl with a dick' because I'm done with those. The moment I encounter them in a story I'm out, I lost my patience with them years ago. Effeminate gay men, written properly and who are still *men*, are fine but boys/men whose characterization is such that if you took the dick away nothing would be left but a girl just get my eyes rolling. And leaving.
So, a little rant about a pet peeve aside I'm looking forward to reading future chapters about Rain and Salem.
I don't remember how the first story started, but I'm loving this new and improved story! :)
And I remember the apple juice; Salem was never w/o his kiddie carton of apple juice. lol
Loved the, 'fuckfuckfuck' in morse code; that was hysterical!
But my favorite was a new addition to your characters; Alisa. Only b/c we share the same name and it's not a common name, (in fact my mother thought she made it up), but it's cool to see it in print. :)
I have to say that this is a MUCH more cohesive beginning than the last version. It was always a little weird how Salem just KNEW who Rain was and where he lived. This gives it a lot more background.
There's also a lot less prose than last time. That was the most annoying part, honestly. I loved the story the first time I read it, but I was unable to take the purple prose when I tried to reread it. It's MUCH better now. Great job on your re-vamp so far. :)
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